Mama
by melliesgladiator
Summary: OneShots: She didn't have the mother gene, but she sure loved them with everything she had.
1. Chapter 1

"Mama, mama, mama!"

Teddy had been wailing for Mellie for what felt like hours. His cries had filled the entire residence at around 10 PM and had easily woken both his sister and his father. There was no getting him to stop. Fitz had tried calming him, Karen had tried calming him, and they had even enlisted the help of some people that were still around the White House. No one could succeed, and it seemed hopeless. Matters were only getting worse when they realized that he most definitely had an ear infection.

"Dad, why can't we just call mom?"

"Because this is my time with you and Teddy. Your mother has given me one night with Teddy and I don't…"

"You don't want-"

"Mama!"

His only daughter covers her ears as his youngest son screams again. He bounces him up and down, patting his back. He didn't know where this had come from, how this had happened to him. Somehow, both of his children had started favoring Mellie, but the change was most noticeable in little Teddy, who, just like his older brother at this age, had taken to following Mellie no matter where she went. He had been lucky that Teddy hadn't followed his mother out the door when she left after dropping him off.

"I get that you don't wanna see mom, but Teddy obviously needs her, so honestly dad, get over it. I'm calling her."

He's struck by how much Karen sounds like her mother, how she's doing things because they need to get done regardless of others' feelings. He wonders if Jerry would've turned out like her too. Every situation was filled with what ifs when it came to Jerry.

Loud whines exit Teddy's mouth as Karen pulls out her phone from her back pocket and leaves the room. Fitz sits down in the rocking chair and starts rocking in an attempt to calm his inconsolable son.

"Come on, buddy, you're okay. Daddy's here."

"Mama, I want mama."

Fitz sighs. He wasn't sure how both of his sons had managed to be mama's boys. He wasn't sure how he ended up here at all. Divorced, dead son, his other living children not needing or wanting him. Nothing made sense. Everything had changed.

Karen breezes in, kneeling beside the rocking chair. Her brows knit together at the sound of her brother's loud cries.

"Mama will be here soon, Teddy."

For a second, the almost four years old's face lights up. For a moment, his crying ceases.

"Mama."

"Yeah, mama will be here soon."

Fitz examines both of his children. How their faces are equally filled with wonder and almost pure happiness at the thought of their mother joining them. Teddy grabs Karen's index finger, while his eyes shift to the nursery door- waiting for his _mama_. When had he stopped being what they wanted? Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III had never felt so inadequate in his entire life.

…

Mellie's footsteps are heard not more than five minutes after Karen announced she was on her way. It sounds like she's almost running, but when her body passes the room's threshold, she doesn't look like she's done anything but take a leisurely walk. Teddy's arms reach out to her immediately and she quickly pulls him into her arms.

"Mama."

The whining and whimpering stops as the youngest Grant nuzzles his face into the nape of his mother's neck. She sways side to side, pressing kisses to his forehead and running her fingers gently through his hair.

"Mama's here, baby."

The worry lines in Karen's forehead dissipate as the atmosphere of the room changes. It's calmer, more peaceful, and Teddy's loud cries have seemed to vanish. Mellie knows he's sucking his thumb, a habit she has been trying to break him of, but she decides tonight is not the night to engage in that battle. Fitz can only watch from the rocking chair as the woman who said she didn't possess the mother gene did exactly what a mother was supposed to do.

"Karen, sweetie, it's late. You should go to bed, we can't let you get too far off your school sleep schedule. I'll take care of your brother."

The older girl nods before kissing her brother's forehead and allowing Mellie to do the same to her.

"Night mom. I love you."

"I love you too."

Mellie pulls her close quickly and whispers something in her ear before letting her go.

"Night dad."

Mellie smiles at her and automatically he realizes that his daughter wasn't going to say anything to him.

"Goodnight Karen."

She exits the room quietly and finally the once married couple speaks.

"We think it's just another ear infection. His ear drum probably popped again."

Mellie nods.

"I figured, he was tugging at it when I walked in here. You called the doctor and had him write a prescription to be delivered in the morning?"

"Of course, but that doesn't help for right now."

"Well, we have a secret weapon, don't we, baby?"

She shifts Teddy onto her hip before walking out of the room. Out of curiosity, Fitz follows her all the way to first the bathroom where she grabs washcloths and secondly to the kitchen. He watches as she sticks a washcloth in a pot of water before slightly wringing it out and sticking it in the microwave. Once the timer goes off, Mellie grabs it, first making sure it's not too hot, before putting it on Teddy's ear. He calms down even more if it's possible. Fitz is incredulous.

"How did you…?"

"The last time this happened, you were away doing something presidential or with Olivia, I've lost the ability to care one way or another, but he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He wanted me, but I wasn't helping, but he didn't want anyone else. I didn't know what to do, so I looked on like soccer mom blogs, stupid right? I tried everything they suggested and nothing worked until I got to this. It worked instantly and he fell asleep in our…he fell asleep and that's what was important."

"He only wanted you. I wasn't going to call. I was going to let him be in pain instead of just calling you. I didn't get it, I still don't. When he was a baby, it was always me. I was there, feeding him, making sure I got time with him. I guess you were there a lot more than I gave you credit for."

She takes the washcloth off of Teddy's ear, dipping it in the water and microwaving it again. He's sleeping, but she wants him to stay asleep and she's hoping this will do the trick.

"I'm their mom, Fitz, no matter how much you hate it, no matter how much you'd like to pretend otherwise- I've been there for them. I won't make the same mistakes I made with Jerry, I won't. Just because I never planned on being a mother or don't have the mother gene or whatever, doesn't mean I don't love them with everything I have in me."

"I know, I-"

She scoffs.

"Don't apologize to me, I don't want it and I don't need it. Just respect me as their mom. Respect that they need me, that even if I wasn't a great mom in the past that I'm trying to do better. Okay?"

"Okay."

She takes a deep breath. She didn't mean to snap at him, but it was her instinct to start fighting him before he could lash out at her.

"Look, I'm going to sleep in his room tonight and take him home in the morning if that's okay with you?"

"Of course, he needs you."

She nods, looking down to see her son's tiny fist holding tight to the fabric of her pajama shirt. She grabs another warm washcloth before vacating the kitchen without saying another word to her ex-husband. There's nothing left to say.

When she gets to Teddy's room, she turns off all the lights and gets into his bed, leaning herself against the wall, while he lies on her chest. She knew he was probably congested so she wanted to make sure his body was mostly upright in order to make breathing easier. He sleeps soundly as she rubs his back and she's thankful that he's not screaming like he was when Karen called.

Her eyes travel around his nursery, which is now just seemingly another random bedroom in the White House. Teddy hadn't slept over or even stayed there since the divorce had been finalized. She knew it was selfish to keep him all to herself, but there was something about having her baby with her that made everything feel okay. She would go through it all again if it meant having Teddy- he had saved her. He had given her a reason to continue when there seemed to be nothing but a dark abyss. Teddy was the reason she was still standing.

He squirms in his sleep, his eyes fluttering open and closed. She kisses his forehead.

"Mama?"

His voice is so small. She's struck by just how much she loves him.

"Yeah, baby, mama's got you."

He moves himself up so that his head rests on her shoulder instead of on her chest and proceeds to fall back asleep. She leans her head against his yellow walls and smiles. She realizes that this is the first time she has ever felt happy in this house. In the dead of night, with one of her children in her arms, she finally felt what she had expected living in the White House to feel like the entire time.

"I love you so much Teddy bear."


	2. Chapter 2

**[Really quick] Author's Note: I just wanted to thank all of you for the reviews! My plan for this "story" is to just write pretty much random OneShots of Mellie in mom form, so there may be ones with Teddy, Karen, Jerry, or all three of them. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

She's holding the test results in her hands but she doesn't know if she can open them. Her eyes stay on the white folder shaking along with the rest of her body. Liv already left and for that Mellie is grateful. She didn't want to be in presence of her husband's mistress when she finally learned the truth. She had to be alone. She had been alone in this secret for sixteen years and she had to be alone when the truth came to light.

She lets the envelope hit the table in front of her before taking a seat herself. She unfolds the tabs neatly and pulls out the papers. She holds her breath as she reads down a page full of medical jargon to finally find what she's looking for. It feels like someone has knocked the wind out of her.

 _Fitzgerald Grant IV 99.998% match to Fitzgerald Grant III._

She doesn't want to but she starts to cry as she hugs the results to her chest. Her whole life hadn't been a lie. She hadn't been lying to her husband and child for all this time. They had been a family all this time, but she hadn't known. She had closed herself off because she was so afraid of everything that her own child could be.

She wipes her tears and tries to compose herself. Everything she had wanted- a family with Fitz, had been staring her in the face this entire time. Without thinking about what time it is or what else her oldest child could be doing, she calls him. She wants- no _needs_ to hear his voice.

" _Mom? Is everything okay?"_

His voice is rushed and she realizes fairly quickly that this is not one of the two times a week she's supposed to call him. Her son- _their_ son is worried.

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I know you're probably busy. That's my bad, I can let you go, baby."

 _I just really needed to hear your voice and make sure this isn't just all a dream,_ is what she wants to add but doesn't.

" _No, I can talk, mom. I'm walking back to my room, I got outta class early and lacrosse got cancelled cause the field is getting maintenance done."_

She smiles. All he had been asking of her for the entirety of his life was to be there for him and she never had been. She had kept her distance. She had handed him over to nannies for a good portion of his life. But she had tried. There would be days where it didn't feel like the weight of everything was crushing her, where she could spend time with him and not be afraid, and that's when they bonded as mother and son. She was going to be better now, to him and her other children, she had to be.

"You got out of class early? What kind of school am I sending you to?"

He can hear the joking tone of her voice and laughs along with her. Even though he knows she's trying to sound like she's okay, he can still hear the sadness laced in his mother's voice.

" _The very best or so I'm told."_

"That's only been said a few hundred times to you."

She can hear his feet crunching leaves underneath them. There's radio silence for a few seconds.

" _Mom, what's wrong?"_

She sighs, Jerry had always been able to tell when something was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong, honey."

" _You sound like you've been crying, mom."_

He remembers the first and one of the only times he had seen her cry. He was maybe five or six years old and his dad had gone out of town on some sort of business. It was late and he had had a nightmare so he went in search of her only to find her crying on the bathroom floor. He remembers the mascara stains running down her cheeks and the way she tried to compose herself the second she saw him.

He thought she was hurt, physically, and attempted to find the source of her "owie" as he had called them. _Mama, are you hurt?_ She had wiped her eyes, sniffled and then pulled him close, kissing his forehead. _I'm okay, baby, I just miss your daddy is all. What are you doing up?_ His little fingers reached up and twirled spirals of her hair. _I had a nightmare but I'm better now. I can sleep with you so you're not lonely, mama._ She had smiled, nodded, and got them both off the bathroom floor. She had held him close that night and then he had never witnessed her crying again. But he would never forget.

"I just miss you and your sister is all."

She hears him close his bedroom door and turn the lock.

" _Mommy…"_

He sounds exasperated with her but she's too fixated on the word. He had only called her mom for longer than she could remember. She had never deserved the "mommy" title when it came to him.

"I'm really okay."

" _What did dad do?"_

"Your father didn't do anything."

Her heart beats faster for a second, this is the first time she's called Fitz Jerry's father and knew it was true.

" _He's gonna lose isn't he?"_

They both take collective breaths and let out sighs. Jerry was the more politically minded of her oldest children, as shown by the twitter account he had made. He was always keeping his eyes on the polls, even when he wasn't on his father's side.

"Yeah, it's looking that way, baby."

" _Are we going to go back to Santa Barbara? Are we gonna go home?"_

"I probably will, I don't know about your dad. I don't have answers right now, Jer."

" _He's gonna divorce you and go live with one of his mistresses, right?"_

She takes a sharp inhalation of breath. She knew her family had been scrutinized and every inch of their lives had been gone over with a fine tooth comb, but she never expected her son to ask her something like that.

"Jerry…"

He hears the hidden meaning in his mom's voice. She doesn't want to go there with him, not now and probably not ever, but he needs to prepare. He needs to be able to prepare for when his parents tell him and his sister together and he needs to reassemble the broken pieces of Karen. He knows she'll be devastated, she hadn't seen what he had, and she had been too young to understand it anyways.

" _I'm glad you sent us here, mom. We miss you and Teddy and dad, but I know you did it to protect us from that house and from you and dad."_

"I'm so sorry we couldn't give you all a better life, especially you."

She wants to tell him how he was everything they had ever wanted. How they had tried and tried for him. How her heart was practically bursting at the seams when the pregnancy test turned up positive. She wants to tell him that he was wanted from the very start, that he was still so wanted.

" _We're coming back with you, ya know. To Santa Barbara. We can be a family and I can climb on that big tree in the back yard with Teddy like you used to do with me. Dad can come visit when he wants."_

"Jerry, your dad and I will figure this all out okay? You just worry about lacrosse practice and school. I just want you to have a normal life."

" _But I'm worried about you, mom."_

She never quite understood how she managed to get a son like him. He had always loved her, even when she was terrible to him. She wondered how she lucked out when it came to him.

"Hey, I'm the mom here, I officially get to worry about you all the time, but you do not get to do the same, okay?"

She hears him sigh.

" _Okay."_

"I hope you know how much I love you, Jer, I love you so much."

" _I know mom. I love you too."_

"I'll see you in a few days. You'll text or call if you need anything?"

" _Of course. I'll see you soon, mom."_

"I can't wait."

And finally, she truly meant it.


	3. Chapter 3

She checks her phone when she finally makes it to a private place. _1 missed call from Fitz, 5 missed calls from Karen._ Her heart stops. Had Karen somehow managed to see her in front of the senate? The people that she worked with had been anything but honest about what questions they would ask. They had been more personal than expected- one in particular being if she knew where her marriage went wrong. She knew the answer; she had known the answer the moment they asked. Her rape, the moment she lost any innocence she still had- her marriage was doomed. She understands now why Fitz had called. He had been watching, he saw her face fall and the tears well up in her eyes. He had watched her break in front of a room full of people like she had never broken in front of him. She would deal with him later, but now other things plagued her mind. Had her daughter heard that her own grandfather had raped her mother?

She gets in her car, asks the driver to put up the partition, and then finally dials Karen's number. She takes a deep breath and prepares herself as she hears Karen pick up the phone.

" _Mommy!"_

She sounds hysterical and Mellie knows she did exactly the opposite of what she was told to do.

"Karen, baby…"

" _I need to come home, mama."_

"Karen…Please tell me you didn't."

" _One of my friends found the live stream and when you came on they yelled for me and I couldn't stay away. I'm sorry. Just let me come home, mom, I need to see you. I need to see you, please."_

Mellie rubs her temple with her free hand, she can feel a migraine coming on with every breath she takes.

"Okay, baby, just come home."

" _My secret service idiots say I need clearance from dad. I'm still not talking to him. Mama, can you please call him?"_

Mellie sighs. She didn't want to talk to Fitz. She never wanted to talk to him anymore, but she knew she had to.

"I'll take care of it, don't you worry. Are you okay for me to get off the phone?"

Ever since Karen had slipped her security detail and went to a party last year, Mellie had been more worried than ever for her daughter. She hated that her little girl was so far away and most times any comfort she gave to her was over the phone. She had failed her for most of her life, but she had been trying to be better.

" _Yeah, I'm just gonna pack my stuff. Are you okay?"_

She pinches the bridge of her nose as the car stops in front of her new home. She can't wait to get inside and hold Teddy.

"I'm okay, I'm just worried about you."

" _But mom…"_

She turns her key in the lock of her front before opening the door.

"Karen, I swear to you, I'm fine. I'm walking into the house. I'm going to call your dad and then just hang out with Teddy until you get here. Just promise me you'll stay calm until you get here?"

" _I promise, mommy."_

"I love you. You'll be here soon."

" _I love you too."_

They hang up at the same time as Mellie walks upstairs to her bedroom in order to change. She shakes off her jacket before wondering if she needs to take a shower in order to wash away the awfulness of the day. However, she knew that first she needed to call Fitz.

She flops on her bed, pulling a throw pillow into her lap before dialing the number she knew by heart. It only rings once before he answers.

" _Mels, are you okay?"_

"I'm fine-"

" _Once this is all over, I'm going to punish them-"_

"Fitz-"

" _No, don't try to stop me. They deserve to be punished. How dare they drag your personal history into my impeachment trial. How dare they try to use you to come at me. It was deplorable-"_

"Fitz-"

" _I'm so sorry, Mel. I never wa-"_

"Fitzgerald!"

Her tone is harsher than expected, but she had to get his attention somehow and usually raising her voice was the only way to do it.

" _Mellie, what is it?"_

"Some of Karen's friends got a hold of a live stream. She was watching…"

" _Oh God…Is she okay?"_

"No, she isn't. She's hysterical. I knew…I knew that the press was going to make us look as bad as possible because of this divorce and the affair. I don't care if we get dragged through the mud, Fitz, I don't care if I never become president. I care that our daughter is devastated by news that she was never supposed to know. I…"

She hears him sigh on the other end. He had never thought about the consequences when it came to his wife and his children when the affair was outed. He hadn't considered any of it and now his daughter was in turmoil because of something he had done.

" _What can I do?"_

"I need you to call her detail and tell them to put her on a helicopter and get her to me, now. She is packed. I don't give a damn if she misses two days of school, she _needs_ me and she needs to be here. I swear to God, Fitz, if you fight me on this."

" _I'm not going to fight you. She'll be there in the next two hours. I won't even come over and try to talk to her, I'll just get her to you. If you need anything, just call me, okay?"_

"Because you've been oh so reliable in the past?"

He lets the dig slide because he knows today has been rough.

" _It's different now, Mels. She'll be there soon. I…"_

He goes to say "I love you" before realizing it's not his place anymore.

"Thank you, Fitz."

She hangs up, texting Karen to tell her the helicopter should be ready soon, before plugging her phone in. She changes into comfortable clothes, throws her hair up in a bun, and walks down the hall to relieve Nanny Jen of duties for the day.

Having Teddy in her arms is the one thing that is capable of making her feel better. So she sits on the rocking chair in his room with him on her lap and reads any book he wants. She's trying and failing to not imagine the mess her daughter is at the moment. She's afraid of the pieces she'll have to put back together.

…

Karen arrives an hour and a half after Mellie hung up with Fitz. Teddy is already asleep, so Mellie only has to worry about her. Karen looks devastated and the second the car door is opened for her she runs straight into her mother's arms. Mellie can hear and feel her daughter's tears start to fall.

"Oh, baby, it's okay, I'm here now."

"I'm so sorry, mommy."

Mellie pulls her into the house, closing the door behind them, before taking Karen's face in her hands and kissing her forehead. She uses the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the excess tears.

"Oh my girl, you don't have to be sorry about anything."

She pulls her back into the hug and for the longest time they just stand there. Mellie finally leads her to living room where they sit down on the couch. Karen's bent legs overlap her mother's, while Mellie gently plays with her hair like she used to when Karen was much younger.

They sit in silence until finally Karen sighs.

"Grandpa Jerry raped you?"

Mellie is slightly stunned with how to the point and direct Karen is. Her daughter had always been so quiet, so reserved, and as a child she was practically scared of her own shadow. It had surprised her and Fitz when Karen called so say she was going to be in a play at school; it just wasn't her.

"He did."

"How…when…I…"

Mellie smiles sadly at her. She didn't want to talk about this. Her little girl was only sixteen, but now that she was privy to the information, Mellie knew she deserved the full story.

"Me and your dad had been married for about two years when it happened. I wasn't even pregnant with Jerry yet-"

"Is-was Jerry…?"

"Jerry is your father's son in every way."

Karen nods.

"I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. This is why you never left me alone in a room with him. Every time he visited and you were leaving a room, you called me to come with you. It used to annoy me because if Jer was with him you never…but you were protecting me."

Mellie's other hand comes to rest on Karen's knee.

"I didn't think he'd ever do anything to you, but I never wanted to take that risk. I couldn't risk my little girl getting hurt."

Karen runs her hand through her long hair. Mellie can feel her daughter's body shaking slightly. She tries to still her as much as possible, but she knows she's too upset.

"Why didn't you tell the police, mom?"

"Honey, your grandfather held so much power back then, there was no chance of a fair trial. And the thought…your dad…"

"Oh my God, dad…"

Karen pushes off of the couch and starts pacing the room. She looks almost manic, but Mellie decides to wait it out. She knows Karen needs to think. After a minute, Karen stops, runs her hands through her hair, and opens her mouth to speak.

"How could he do this to you? After everything you've gone through- how could he cheat on you and divorce you and move Olivia in like it's nothing? How dare he. That's not the dad I know. His father raped you and now he just leaves you. Where was he? Where was he that night, mom, why-"

She reaches out and grabs Karen's hand, pulling her down beside her and holding her close.

"This isn't your dad's fault. I know you want someone to blame and you want someone to be mad at, but it's not your father."

"Where was he, mom?"

Mellie sighs.

"He was sleeping upstairs."

"He…he was supposed to protect you."

Karen rests her head on her mother's shoulder, her hands playing with the fabric of Mellie's sweater.

"It's not his fault, baby girl. It's no one's fault. We didn't know what Big Jerry was capable of."

"How could dad do all of this though? How could he ever cheat on you?"

"Honey, I didn't tell him for the longest time. I pulled away and he didn't know why. You can't be mad at your dad forever; he's still your dad no matter what. We both were wrong during our twenty years of marriage and at the end of the day, he found Olivia and I found happiness apart from him."

She feels Karen nod against her shoulder.

"Are you really happy, mom?"

"I have you and Teddy. You both make me the happiest person alive."

Her arms wrap around her mother's waist.

"I just want you to be okay."

She leans to the side and kisses Karen's forehead.

"I am more than okay, I promise."


	4. Merry Christmas To All

She finally finishes wrapping Karen and Teddy's Christmas gifts at 11 o'clock on Christmas Eve. She gets ready for bed quickly, hoping she can get a few hours of sleep before Teddy pulls on her sleeve in order to get in her bed to snuggle. He had been doing it since they moved out of the White House. He would go to sleep when she tucked him in just fine, but by one or two AM he would be tapping her so that she could pick him up and tuck him under her comforter. She wonders if he's worried about her, if he thinks she's lonely because his dad is no longer on the other side of the bed. She doesn't know, but they both sleep fine with him cuddled into her side, so she can't complain.

But sleep evades her and instead she watches as her bedside table clock turns to midnight. When she hears footsteps coming towards her door, she just naturally assumes it's Teddy, but instead, Karen's head peaks through.

"Mom?"

"Sweetie, what are you doing up?"

"I just…"

Her sixteen year old's eyes shift from her mother's face to the other, unoccupied side of the large bed. Mellie smiles at her and pats the bed, letting her know it was okay to join her. Karen had been clingy recently- the once super independent, "I don't need anyone but myself" teenager had disappeared to reveal the little girl underneath. Mellie wasn't sure what had brought it on, but she knew she needed to protect her daughter.

"Come on."

Karen smiles before walking quickly towards her mother's bed and getting under the covers. Mellie reaches out and brushes a piece of her hair behind her ear before watching Karen slide closer to her. She kisses her daughter's forehead, wanting to question what's going on.

"Merry Christmas, mommy."

Mellie smiles.

"Merry Christmas, Karen. I'm glad you came here tonight. I love having you around and I know Teddy does too."

"Remember when me and Jerry were little and we used to rush into your and dad's room at the stroke of midnight expecting that we could open presents. Dad always just told us no, but you always said that Santa hadn't been to our house yet and then moved over so we could come cuddle with you and dad."

The truth is Mellie remembers it clearer than practically anything else. It was the one time she could remember being so happy, because her babies were safe in her arms. As the days had gone on, she had this growing fear that some outside force would try to hurt her family- that she would lose her children. The only thing that ever calmed those fears was having them close. She had believed that as long as her children were with her and Fitz, nothing could happen to them, but she had been so wrong.

"I remember. You weren't even two years old the first time Jerry dragged you out of bed at midnight to come wake us up. He was lucky you were so small because he had to pick you up out of your crib from the little step ladder we let him use to see you in the morning. Every year, without you two even knowing, you rotated between your dad and me. The first year you cuddled into me. Jerry wanted to be with me, but you were quickest to get by the bed and have Fitz pick you up so you got me."

"I'll always pick you mom, Jerry would've too."

Mellie leans and connects her forehead with her daughter's. Karen and Teddy had saved her from the abyss when Jerry had died. Their presence is what kept her going, knowing that they still existed and needed her is what kept her from swallowing a hand full of her prescription sleeping pills the way Fitz had. They were all she had and all she needed.

"Those were some of my favorite memories, I wish you two hadn't grown up so fast. The last Christmas that happened was the year before your dad won the election, you were just a little girl."

"I was like nine, not so little, mom."

Mellie smiles sadly. The truth was that she never properly appreciated her children's childhoods. She was too busy being the governor's wife, trying to seal Fitz's presidential ticket that she didn't watch her children grow like a mother was supposed to. She had blinked and her children had grown. She had missed it all. At least, she could watch Karen hit milestones- getting into college, graduating, getting married if she wanted- but Jerry was gone, all his milestones were hit and she hadn't appreciated them.

"You'll always be my little girl."

"You've turned into such a stereotypical mom, mom. I kind of love it. You're better off without dad."

They smirk at each other, knowing that was the family needed from the very beginning. She was finally who she needed to be for her kids.

"Go to sleep, sweets, Teddy will be in here soon enough."

Karen moves back over to her side of the bed, grabbing on to her mother's hand and not letting go even when Mellie hears small snores exiting her mouth. She watches her sleep like she used to when Karen was just a baby, too young to know of the complicated family she had been born in to. She leans over to kiss her forehead before falling asleep too.

* * *

Her phone vibrates beneath her pillow at 8 AM, effectively waking her up. She feels something grabbing the fabric of her shirt and when she looks down she sees Teddy cuddled into Karen's side, his hand holding tightly to her shirt. She wonders how he got up here because he didn't wake her up, but it doesn't matter. She grins, replacing her shirt with a bunched up piece of her sheets. She slips out of bed, pulling on her robe and breezing out of her bedroom.

She smiles at the Christmas tree as she hits the bottom step. They had decorated it all together, strung popcorn on string, gotten tangled in lights, and laughed. It was the first time Teddy could really help with the tree decorations- not that they had really decorated family trees while in the White House anyways.

She goes to the kitchen, heating up a skillet and pulling out the pancake mix from the pantry. She manages to make two snowman shaped pancakes while sipping her coffee. She grabs plates, silverware, and syrup before plating the pancakes and taking the tray upstairs.

Her room is quiet when she enters it, both of her children are still sleeping soundly. She sets the tray on her dresser before tiptoeing over to Karen's side of the bed. She gently pulls some of her daughter's long brown hair out of her face and kisses her temple. Karen's eyes flutter open as she quickly takes in her surroundings.

"Mom?"

It's a quiet groan and it makes Mellie laugh.

"Good morning, sunshine."

"What time is it?"

"Around eight forty-five."

"I could've slept longer, mom."

She attempts to move, but that's when she realizes Teddy is right next to her. She sits up a little and runs her fingers through his hair.

"I forgot he was here. He tugged on my arm at like two and asked me to help him up. I got him up here and he fell asleep instantly."

"I was wondering how he got up here at first, but then I realized he probably asked you to help him. I'm sorry he woke you."

"It's okay, I went back to sleep pretty quick."

She pauses, her eyes shifting to her mother's dresser.

"Are those pancakes?"

Mellie grins, grabbing the tray and bringing it to her daughter.

"They're snowmen, they probably look like blobs, but I was going for snowmen."

"They look good, mom. You better wake Teddy or else I'll eat his too."

Mellie gently rolls her eyes.

"I can always make you more, silly."

She climbs over Karen's feet and sits on her side of the bed, running her fingers through Teddy's hair. He starts moving around so she scoops him up into her arms and kisses his head. She expects him to wake up, but instead he just cuddles closer to her.

"Good morning, my Teddy bear."

"Mama."

He opens his eyes and looks up to her; his fingers play with a loose strand of her hair. She holds him a little tighter without squeezing too hard. Mornings with him are her favorite because of how he wakes up- slowly and with a great desire to cuddle.

"Good morning, baby. Merry Christmas."

His eyes light up.

"Merry Christmas!"

His eyes meet Karen's.

"Merry Christmas, Karen."

Karen laughs at the lisp he gets when he says her name. His r's sound like w's and she honestly thinks it's the cutest thing. She leans over and kisses his cheek.

"Merry Christmas, baby brother. Look, mama made snowman pancakes, I'll cut yours up so you can eat it, okay?"

"Okay."

He rests his head on Mellie's chest, watching as Karen cuts up his pancake.

"Mama we open presents from Santa after, right?"

"You betcha baby, Santa brought you so much good stuff or at least it looked like it when I went to the kitchen this morning."

Karen hands the plate to Mellie who helps Teddy eat the pancake, stealing some for herself along the way. By the time he's done, he's wide awake and ready to open presents, so he jumps off the bed and grabs his mother's hand to pull her to the door.

"Come on, Karen!"

The young girl gets off the bed, grabbing the dirty plates and tray before following behind her mother. The sight of the tree with the fireplace on and the snow piling up outside the window fills her with more joy than she expects. Her mother's new house certainly wasn't the White House with its extravagant decorations, but it was a home, something she hadn't had in such a long time.

"Teddy, wait for Karen to come back and then you can open everything."

"But ma-"

"I'm back, Teddy bear, please continue tearing through your gifts."

Karen throws a pointed smile at her mother, both knowing full well that she may have gone overboard this year for both of them. They both take forever opening each hand wrapped gift from their mom, Santa, or their dad and when it's finally over Mellie's children are surrounded by mountains of torn wrapping paper. Karen expects her to freak out like she usually does about messes and demand them to clean everything up this instant, but that doesn't happen. She snaps a few extra pictures (something she never used to do) before Teddy jumps into her lap.

"Why don't we make some hot chocolate and watch a movie?"

Teddy nods his head vigorously, but Karen knits her eyebrows together.

"But mom shouldn't we clean up?"

Mellie stands, putting Teddy on her hip even though he's clearly getting too heavy for her. She smiles at her daughter, knowing that Karen is waiting for the mother who raised her to appear and ruin this day.

"The trash will wait until later, come on."

So they do exactly what Mellie suggests. They make hot chocolate and cuddle on the couch and watch _Miracle on 34_ _th_ _Street_ because it was Jerry's favorite Christmas movie that just happened to be on. Teddy doesn't manage to stay awake past his naptime and ends up sleeping in Mellie's lap because she doesn't have the heart to take him upstairs. Plus, Karen's head is leaning on her shoulder and she doesn't want to move her.

Teddy is still sleeping when the movie ends and _Frosty the Snowman_ comes on. Mellie expects her daughter to scoff and change it but she doesn't. Mellie soon remembers that whenever Karen was sick at home, they used to watch this because it was her favorite.

"Things haven't changed, huh?"

"Nope, still my favorite movie, especially when you're here to watch it with me."

Somewhere along the way, Teddy wakes up from his nap and instead of acting crazy, he sits quietly and lets his family finish the movie. But once Frosty is gone, he jumps off of Mellie's lap and runs to the window where he sees plenty of snow on the ground.

"Can we go build a snowman?"

His chubby fingers press against the cool glass. He doesn't remember building snowmen, but Karen told him last night how her and Jerry used to build them all the time in Asheville.

"Of course we can! Let's go get out of our pajamas and we can build a snow family."

They put Teddy in a snowsuit mainly because they know he'll end up falling and getting wet if they don't. Once they're all in more snow appropriate clothing, they rush out the front door. Karen starts working on rolling the bottom of the snowman while Mellie shows Teddy how to roll the snow into a ball. He's only big enough to make the head, so she makes the middle section. Their first snowman is pretty small but Teddy seems particularly happy about it.

"Let's make another! Bigger! And then another one! Even bigger than that!"

Mellie kisses the cold tip of his nose.

"Whatever you want, Teddy bear."

They repeat the process, Mellie helping Teddy make the heads a bit bigger each time, until there are finally three snowmen standing proudly in her front yard. She squats down to Teddy's level and speak softly.

"You know what, baby? There's another thing you can do with snow besides making snowmen."

"What?!"

She grabs a large clump of snow.

"Well, you see, we can roll it in a ball like this and throw it. It's called a snowball."

She shapes the snow quickly, forming a ball, before launching it at Karen's side. A squeal exits the girl's mouth as soon as she's hit.

"Mom! You didn't just do that."

Mellie raises her eyebrows.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"You're paying for this."

Teddy watches as Karen leans down to grab another handful of snow and his mom starts running away. Once Karen is finished making her snowball, she starts chasing after her mother. They run around and around, throwing snow at each other and laughing when they manage to hit the other. Soon, Teddy joins in on the fun, forcing them to slow down for his little legs. The sounds of his giggles permeate the air and Mellie is struck by how she would give everything to hear that sound for the rest of her life.

They go at this for the longest time until the sun starts dropping along with the temperature. Karen and Mellie slip off their shoes at the door while Teddy gets out of his snowsuit. He runs to the fire to warm his hands, and the mother/daughter duo goes to the kitchen instead of following him.

"Are you hungry now?"

Mellie knows that a lot of times, Karen is picky on when she eats because her appetite is fairly minimal most of the time.

"Okay, so yes I'm hungry and while those pancakes this morning were fantastic, mom, you…"

Mellie grins.

"Oh honey, I know I can't cook, mama bought Christmas dinners that other people prepared."

"Thank God."

They both laugh and continue to do so as Teddy comes sliding in asking about food. Mellie pulls out the containers to heat them up and listens as her children have some meaningless conversation about the snowmen that are outside. Karen plugs in her phone to the iHome that sits on the kitchen counter so that they can listen to Christmas music while the food warms up. It doesn't take long for laughter to fill the house as a famous Grant dance-off takes place in the middle of the kitchen.

* * *

As it gets later in the day, the house grows quieter until it's time for everyone to sleep. Mellie sends the kids upstairs first before turning off the fireplace and all the lights except for the tree. She goes to Teddy's room and pulls out a book to read.

"How does Goodnight Moon sound, baby?"

"Please read it mama!"

She smiles and starts reading knowing that by the end he would probably be mostly asleep.

"…And goodnight to the old lady whispering "hush." Goodnight stars. Goodnight air. Goodnight noises everywhere."

She kisses his forehead even though he's fast asleep.

"Merry Christmas, baby. Mama loves you so much."

She puts the book back on his bookshelf, and checks to make sure his nightlight is working before slipping out of his room. She quietly goes to Karen's room just to say goodnight, but finds her daughter sitting up in her bed holding an envelope.

"What's that, Karen?"

She doesn't even look up at first.

"I didn't even wanna give this to you cause you seem so good, but he'd want you to have it."

Mellie walks into her room, sitting on the bed by Karen's thigh. She holds her hand out and Karen places the envelope into it. Once she looks at it, her heart drops, because it says _mom_ in Jerry's handwriting.

"How…?"

"I don't know. His old roommate found it in the floorboards when he was cleaning and he gave it me two weeks ago. You've been so great with me and with Teddy and I didn't want…"

Mellie smiles sadly at her.

"You didn't want to lose me to the robe wearing, fried chicken eating mom you had a year ago."

She nods.

"You're not gonna lose me. You and Teddy have me. I'm here, I'm yours, no matter what, okay?"

"Okay."

Mellie stands and pulls the blanket over Karen before kissing her head.

"I love you so much, Karen."

"I love you too, mom. I had a really good Christmas."

"I did too, baby. If you need me, you know where to find me."

She flips the light switch off and looks back one last time before escaping to her room. She tears the envelope open immediately. It looks to be a generic for mom Christmas card and she's expecting that he only wrote "love Jerry" on the inside, but when she opens the card she sees that it says so much more.

 _Merry Christmas, mom!_

 _I know usually I just put love Jerry in cards and am done with it, but I just wanted you to know that I'm so lucky to be your son. I've known from day one that you love me so much even if you don't always express it the best way. I always remind Karen of that too and one day I'll remind Teddy. I know you love us, you've always loved us. I just want you to be happy, mom, like you used to be. I've seen pictures, I know it's possible, and I hope one day, somehow, you find that happiness again whether it's with dad or not. You've given us everything we've ever needed and I hope that you can find what makes you happy. I'm on your side, mom, Karen is on your side, even if she is an overdramatic pre-teen sometimes, and Teddy is definitely on your side. I love you, mommy._

She holds the card close to her chest for the longest time before setting it on her bedside table. She had found happiness, in her house, today with Karen and Teddy. She had found exactly what Jerry had wanted for her all this time.

She lays in bed, hoping to find sleep, but not succeeding especially when footsteps she now knows as her daughter's get closer to her door. The second she sees Karen's face, she pulls the blankets back for her and she quickly plops in the bed. Both of them lay on their stomachs with their faces towards each other.

"This house has two extra bedrooms."

"That it does."

"One was for Jerry?"

Mellie smiles.

"I forgot that I only had to get a house with rooms for the two of you now. I wasn't thinking when I bought it."

"He would've liked the one at the end of the hallway. The window has a good view and it's far enough from me that we wouldn't have to share a bathroom. He always complained about how long I took to get ready."

"I think that's an every man thing, baby, you'll have to get used to it."

She nods and Mellie can tell that Karen is worlds away from her. She understood that last night she had come to sleep in her mother's room for the sake of memories, but her and Jerry never slept with her and Fitz the night of Christmas, it was only a Christmas Eve tradition.

"Karen, what's the matter?"

"I miss him."

Mellie pulls her in to a tight hug. The holidays and his birthday never got easier. Thanksgiving and Christmas had occurred right after he died the first year and it had felt like death in the White House. Everyone seemed ghostly. Everyone was afraid of the first family. Afraid of breaking them further. They had gone to Asheville just to be close to family because they needed people that weren't scared to speak around them.

"I miss him too, all the time."

"He wasn't supposed to leave me."

"I know, believe me, I know."

She buries her face in the nape of her mother's neck.

"He loved you so much, though, Karen. He named you his best friend when you were still in the womb. I'll never forget your dad coming home and him proudly running to tell him that his little sister was going to be his best friend."

She hears Karen laugh.

"He was a dork, but he was my dork."

"You two were quite a team, I distinctively remember you both working together to get whatever you wanted."

"Now, I'll have to help Teddy game the system."

Mellie tickles her side, forcing her to laugh.

"No corrupting your little brother."

"Fine, whatever you say, mom."

Her tone is playful and Mellie can't help but smile.

"That Teddy is the luckiest little boy to have you as a big sister."

"I have a lot to live up to in the older sibling category."

"I think you'll do just fine, you learned from the best."

She nods against Mellie's shoulder.

"I did…"

Her pause is long as if she's contemplating something.

"Can I stay in here with you tonight? I promise to go back to being a normal teenager tomorrow."

"Of course, baby girl, you can stay with me as long as you need."

"Merry Christmas, mommy."

Mellie rubs her nose against Karen's, touching their foreheads together.

"Merry Christmas, sweet girl."


	5. What's Best For Them

A/N: sorry I disappearing for so long. College is hard. enjoy guys:

* * *

She leans against the wall next to the door of their playroom. She can hear Jerry talking and Karen laughing hysterically about something. Her eyes are closed and she's trying to breathe deeply. She has to tell them that they won't be at the White House much longer, that _she_ has made the difficult decision to send them away to a new place that they will one day accept as home. She hated this, but it was the only way to protect them. Fitz had taken Olivia to see the Constitution, lost his flag pin, and everything had come to light all at once. She didn't know what was going to happen between her and Fitz, but she knew that Jerry and Karen shouldn't be anywhere near what was an impending World War III. She didn't want to tell them, they had finally adjusted to White House living and here she was about to rock their worlds yet again.

Jerry had loved the White House since the second the doors were opened to him. He liked politics, he was good with numbers, her boy was a genius. When the kids got to be on the campaign with them, Jerry was the one getting the numbers before their statisticians. But he was also shy and she knew that he would be angry for sending them to another new school away from her and Fitz. He would be angry that she was expecting them to make all new friends again. Her little boy may never forgive her.

She knew Karen would be okay; she may even thrive from all the attention she would receive. But she would miss her parents. When they had been campaigning without the kids, Karen had called them daily, crying because she missed them.

After Jerry had been born, she had a hard time connecting with him, but still had promised to never leave him and this felt just like that. She was leaving them, abandoning them, sending them off to fend for themselves. But she knew she had to do it. She had to protect her babies even if it meant sending them away. So she takes a deep breath, opens her eyes, and walks into the room.

Karen looks up first and grins, running to her mom and hugging her legs.

"Mommy!"

Mellie's hands find their way into Karen's long hair, brushing it to the side. She kneels down so that she's on Karen's level before pulling her into a hug.

"Moooom, I can't breathe."

Mellie lets her go before they both laugh. They look over to Jerry who is sitting still and just watching the whole thing unfold in front of him. Mellie notices the suspicious gleam in his eyes. Her boy is smart. Her boy knows something is about to _happen._

"Jerry, come here, baby."

He walks slowly to her and when he reaches her, his arms wrap around her neck, face buried in her hair. Mellie sucks in her tears. She can't cry in front of them, they've never seen her cry.

"I love you both so much, you know that, right?"

They sit crisscross applesauce in front of her and she mimics their actions to the best of her ability. Each of her hands are holding theirs. She is shattered inside just at the thought of doing this.

"We know, mommy."

Karen is the first to answer right off the bat. Jerry nods his head.

"We love you to, mom."

Mellie smiles.

"And you both know that you mean the world to me."

"Mom, what's going on?"

And just like that, the temperature of the room changes. Mellie takes a deep breath. She steels herself. She has to do this. There is an affair to consider and a broken marriage and possibly no hope for repair. She doesn't want them here to witness the fallout or hear the yelling and fighting. They may hate her, but she will protect them above all else.

"Well me and your father have been talking and we think that after the summer you two should go to Hotchkiss."

She studies their faces like she has nearly every day of their lives. Karen is confused, Jerry is hurt. This is about to blow up in her face, she can feel it.

"Isn't that in Connecticut, mom? We wouldn't be able to come home every day or even every weekend. It's a boarding school. Why are you doing this to us? Do we have to go?"

Karen's eyes go between her mother and brother. Tears are welling up in her eyes, forcing Mellie to bite her tongue in order to not cry too.

"I don't wanna go, mama, don't make us go."

Karen manages to crawl her way into Mellie's lap.

"Please, mommy."

"Oh baby, I know. I want nothing more than to keep you and your brother with me forever, but this school is such a good school and I just want what's best for you both. It'll be like a brand new adventure and dad and I will visit as much as possible."

Karen smiles, this answer suffices her, she was always the easiest to comfort out of the two Grant children. Jerry scoffs. She makes eye contact with him. Her little boy had just grown up before her eyes.

"You said we would visit our friends in California all the time and have we gone even once? You and dad just don't wanna deal with us anymore, right? We're just too much trouble so you're gonna send us away just to see us over holidays and talk to us a few times a week. You're throwing us away like we're nothing, mom!"

She silently sucks in breath. She expected this, she expected this response- she has to remember that.

"Jerry, stop, right now."

"Why? What does it matter now?!"

She smiles sadly at him before shifting her eyes to Karen.

"Baby, are you okay?"

She nods her head, there aren't even tears in her eyes.

"Will you please go wait in your room for me? I'll come get you in a few when it's time for dinner. I love you."

She kisses her temple, twice, because once never felt like enough.

"Love you too."

Her curls and the fabric of her dress blow back from the speed of her running. Mellie's eyes follow her until she turns a corner, forcing her to turn back to Jerry. Her hands reach out and rest on each of his cheeks as she leans to kiss the tears out of his eyes.

"You can't be like that in front of her and you know it."

"I just don't wanna go."

She nods.

"I know."

Her whispered tone portrays her sadness even though she tries to not let him see it. Her boy knows her better than anyone else. She wants to believe that he knows she doesn't want this.

"I just want you and Karen to be okay. This is my way of making sure of that. I know you don't like new places or trying to make new friends, but it'll be fine. You will be fine, I have no doubts and I _will_ visit as much as possible. I'll come with to move you both in and I will stay as long as you need. It's going to be fine."

"I know, but I don't wanna leave you here alone, mom."

"Oh honey, I will be fine. I'll be here with your dad."

She feels the slight tinge in her chest. It happens every time she gives Fitz the title of Jerry's father without knowing if it's true or not. It created a burn that not even alcohol could give her.

"But…"

She kisses his forehead.

"I will be great and we have the entire summer together, okay? We'll make the most of it. Why don't you go get cleaned up for dinner?"

"Okay, I'll make sure Karen's ready too."

"Thank you, pumpkin. I'll see you in a little."

He grins at her, nodding before tearing out of the room and down the hall. Once she hears a member of the staff gently berate him for running in the halls, she lets out the sob that had been trapped in her throat since she walked into the playroom. She cries for some time before she hears the floor creak under someone's foot. When she looks up, she sees Fitz.

"Mellie…"

She stands up, never once breaking eye contact with him.

"I think I hate you."

He looks incredulous.

"Mels."

"I don't wanna hear it, Fitz."

She walks away from him, rushing to their bedroom. She didn't want to see her kids go, but at least they would be safe from the impending doom of the implosion of their parents' marriage.


End file.
